Thursday, March 19, 2015
Dear God
I'm a ship sailing at night looking for the lighthouse, There is fog everywhere. Do I go left or right? So much confusion and chaos. There is a storm raging in the background and I'm lost. Can you save me from the storm? I just want to let everything go and just live. I just want to be happy. I have so much joy in my life but I'm trapped in the fog. God, please rescue me from this storm. Guide me to the path you want me to follow. Heal my heart and make me whole again. I'm so angry and sad all the time. Oh God, I can't see past the fog. I turned my back on you a long time ago because I couldn't understand how you could let so much darkness plagued my life. You took the one person whom I loved more then life itself away from me slowly at first and then all at once. I'd give anything just to see and talk to her again. I know you have a plan for me but I can't see pass the fog. Please God clear the fog from my life and fill it with clarity and peace. I want to come in from the storm. I have strayed too long and I'm ready to come home.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Baggage
To whom it may concern,
Sometime I feel like a bag lady I carry around so much hurt and anger. My biggest piece of baggage is you and the fact that you wasn't there. Growing up without a father left me with a voided no one was ever able to feel. I have felt incomplete like something is missing. Do you know how it feel to not know who you are? I can't help but feel that life would had turned out a lot differently if you were here. When I watch my kids with there dad I can't help but feel sadness because I didn't have anyone to protect me like he do with them. The way he go out his way to make sure our daughter is told she is beautiful and loved pull at my heart strings and intensity my anger for you. The baggage you left me with is heavy and very hard to carry. I have tried so many time to walk away from the hurt. I have tired so many times to forget about you but I can't, for whatever reason I have a desire to find you and just ask why? Why wasn't I a good enough reason for you to stay? Why didn't you want to know me and be a part of my life? How could you knowingly walk away? What was more important then your first born? Every time I say I'm done and i'm going to let go I find myself standing in line at the carousel with tears in my eyes waiting to claim the big baggage with the lock and no key.
Sincely,
The lock without a key
Sometime I feel like a bag lady I carry around so much hurt and anger. My biggest piece of baggage is you and the fact that you wasn't there. Growing up without a father left me with a voided no one was ever able to feel. I have felt incomplete like something is missing. Do you know how it feel to not know who you are? I can't help but feel that life would had turned out a lot differently if you were here. When I watch my kids with there dad I can't help but feel sadness because I didn't have anyone to protect me like he do with them. The way he go out his way to make sure our daughter is told she is beautiful and loved pull at my heart strings and intensity my anger for you. The baggage you left me with is heavy and very hard to carry. I have tried so many time to walk away from the hurt. I have tired so many times to forget about you but I can't, for whatever reason I have a desire to find you and just ask why? Why wasn't I a good enough reason for you to stay? Why didn't you want to know me and be a part of my life? How could you knowingly walk away? What was more important then your first born? Every time I say I'm done and i'm going to let go I find myself standing in line at the carousel with tears in my eyes waiting to claim the big baggage with the lock and no key.
Sincely,
The lock without a key
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