Saving Grace

 I’m on a journey to self-discovery. One might ask how you lose yourself or never know who you are from the beginning? My answer to that question runs a little deep. You see when you are young life is a mystery, the sky is the limit. When you are young you are still innocent and blinded by the fantasy of life instead of the reality.  You see the world through rose color glasses. As a child all I wanted to be was lawyer. I wanted to fight for the victims who couldn’t fight for themselves. I wanted to be that saving grace to the child who was suffering in darkness. For the child who cries when no one is looking. The child who grew up without a father and no one to guide or love her. I wanted to be the voice that uplifted and empowered the young African American’s mind. I wanted to be a beacon of hope for the hopeless.  I wanted to be great and live a legacy behind. I wanted the world to be a better person just because I was a part of it. But somehow between now and then I lost my way. I lost me. I got so caught up with love, being a wife and mother I lost the woman that I wanted to be. I let so many obstacles stand in my way. So many bad decisions, so much hurt. There are some things in life that I just can’t get over.  I don’t know who I am because a part of me is missing. Growing up without a father left me with an emptiness that nothing can fill. I feel like how can I know me when I don’t know where I come from. I grew up without the unconditional love of a mother or father.  I have shed so many tears in the dark. Maybe once I let go I can find me, maybe I need help, or maybe I will always be this way. Come on this journey with me.