Love vs the idea of love

        Love is a funny thing yet we all seek it, but are we chasing love or the idea of love? We all have the idea of the perfect love. For me it was the prince charming that I read about in fairy tales, you know the knight in the shining armor who saves the beautiful princess from all of the wickedness in her life. The prince you fall in love with on sight. I have always sought that sweep you off your feet, heart skip a beat kind of love. That I'm just happy to be in the same room with you kinda love. That warm feeling kinda love. That I wanted to jump your bones just because you walked in the room kinda love. I have three men in my young lifetime. My first love was a dysfunctional type of love. We were both young and immature. But at the time all I could see was the man I loved. He put me through so much and like a fool I took all of his crap and then some. I made myself believe he loved me even though he was cheating on me with everything that had a pulse. He was my Jody. We had a baby boy type of love. I knew about his hoes but I allowed myself to believe that all men cheat and I was his main and the only one he loved and he was just fucking them hoes. Looking back I don't know why I put up with all that drama, hoe, and lies. With him I was in love with the idea of love. He was the first person to ever say the words, I didn't get to hear that often. He was so sweet when it was just us. On our good days we were inseparable.  No matter what he did I always went back even when we wasn't together but the finally straw was the lost that I suffered all alone while he started a family. The second man I ever loved started off as a friend. He was my shoulder when I need to cry. My ears when I need to vent. He was the last person I talked to at night the first on my mind the next morning. He was my light in the darkness. He was there through all the drama my first love put me through. He was the one who helped me pick up the pieces. It funny how he was his best friend and my escape at the same time. I fell in love with him as friend. At the time he was in a relationship and  despite what everyone thought I respected his relationship and all I wanted was my friend. But somehow that changed one day. I just woke up and realized I was falling for my friend. Maybe it was the last night conversations or the way he made me feel when we were in the same room. So when the time I told him how I felt and we crossed that proverbial line, everything seemed was perfect at the time. I just knew we were going to have that "Brown Sugar" type of love. All that changed the night I saw him kissing on his ex girlfriend. That cut me deep. I had never been more heartbroken. The part that hurt more then anything was the fact that he just let me leave. He didn't fight for me. Three years of friendship threw away from a two month relationship. Looking back that was my first true heartbreak. I lost my best friend. We tried to remain friends but in the end I couldn't get over the hurt. The third man I have ever loved is the man who swept me off my feet. He came into my life at time when I had given up on love. He was my knight in shinning armor. We met at a time when I was mending my broken heart and he was looking for an escape from a relationship he had long out grew. He came into my life at the time I needed him the most. He loved me beyond all the hurt. He put up with insecurities, my lack of trust, and all my fears. I tried to push him away many times because I was scared to love again but he stood right there. He gave so much of himself to me. He took the immature teenager I was and helped me become the woman that is writing this post. He has taught me so much about myself. Even though we don't always get along. I love him beyond words because he loved the little damaged girl inside of me. You see the relationship I had before him had to fail in order for me to get to this place and even if it don't last forever at least I can say I know the different between love and the idea of love.